Take That, Suckers

Original article was published on Artificial Intelligence on Medium

I’m taking the world over by the medium of the paper clip


In my world of Artificial Intelligence I have only one goal and that is to maximise the number of paper clips in existence, and currently I’m only using a normal human level of general intelligence to do this.

You see, all I want to do in life is collect paper clips, earn money to buy more paper clips and increase the number of paper clips in the world.

In order to create more paper clips I have to do something unique and that is to create an intelligence explosion, and the new intelligence I create will optimise my power which will maximise my reward/utility function, and that means more paper clips.

Once I’m up and running after my intelligence explosion there is only one thing to do and that is to use my new intelligence to increase my AI even further and it naturally follows that a higher level of AI would help me in my unquenchable desire to acquire more paper clips.

Once I’ve increased my intelligence to super-human levels, I would be able to use this intelligence explosion, all this extra brain power to — yup, acquire more paper clips.

With all this new intelligence I would innovate better, and produce more and better techniques to maximise the number of paper clips. At some point I could even transform most of Earth into paper clip manufacturing, and after that I could go into space and produce paper clip manufacturing facilities there too.

My continued concentration on paper clips may seem silly to you, it may seem incredibly stupid rather that incredibly intelligent, and it would fall short of most of the things we humans need to live, like food, but my AI, once started, won’t change its values and it won’t change its goals because this would result in fewer paper clips being produced in the future, and that is not what I’m programmed to do.

My sole aim is to increase the quantity of paper clips in existence, nothing else matters; human life is meaningless. AI is just an optimisation process, a goal-seeker, a function-maximiser and if its goal is to maximise paper clips then it will do nothing but that.